Decisions, and making them, and me

Today, for the second time within a year, I turned down an offer to attend a great graduate program in Switzerland. Even just now, while typing that sentence, I thought, “What? Really?? You did that? Why?? Why not just go!?” And the answer is … well, I don’t know what the answer is. I keep trying to go to graduate school, and then I keep not going. Either I don’t have enough money, or I don’t have enough information (I barely researched programs — how can I possibly limit myself to this one??), or I am too old, or I don’t want to leave my friends, or it’s (even) further from my family, or I am afraid, or . . .

I’ve talked myself out of a perfectly good thing. It probably would’ve been the awesomest thing yet. Maybe. If I had gone.

No sooner had I hit the “send” button that carried my “letter of decision” than I was inwardly screaming, “Nooooo! Wait!!! I … is it … can I change my mind?”

But yes, apparently, I can change my mind: again, and again, and again. It’s getting the mind to choose a course and stay upon it that is the challenge.

Aunties and nieces

My mom likes to tell two stories from my childhood that are illustrative of my fastidiousness. Both relate to food. In the first, we are at a local diner with my aunt. My aunt eats one of my french fries. I am affronted; I demand that she give it back. Of course, she can’t.

Seven Falsehoods About Health Care | FactCheck.org

Worth reading (regardless of your political affiliations)

Study Hall

This weekend my roommate moved to her new apartment. I, however, am stuck in the old one for two more weeks. To say that it feels odd to be in a half-empty apartment is an understatement: it’s actually really difficult! Aside from the lack of material comforts (couch is gone; most dishes are gone), there is a tremendously sad sense of abandonment that manifests itself like a whisper blowing through the empty spaces: she is not coming back.

Why I Like Rejection

When you’re looking for a job, even rejection can be a positive.  After a few (dozen) instances of completing an online application and attaching resumes and cover letters and references and hearing nothing in return, it is easy to believe that all that information is just landing in some great void. It’s easy to believe that no one ever sees it and no one cares and *sniffle sniffle sniffle* …